I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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