we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
