Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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