he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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