I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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