Where did you get a picture of my penis
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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