I feel like abortions should bother me more
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
