I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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