Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
