maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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