Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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