SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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