do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
