Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
