people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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