I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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