Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
