Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
