the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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