I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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