btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
