My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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