My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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