the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
