I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
