We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
