just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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