I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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