i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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