i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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