OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
what day is it and did you see me today?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You are the jesus of drinking
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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