Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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