Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
