I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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