I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
