my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
