Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
