I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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