Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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