yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
