i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
