And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
