I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
