Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize