just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
