Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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