I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
