just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize