I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
