You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Girls should come with a carfax report
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
