I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
