he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
