my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize