I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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