She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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