Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
