We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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