tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
