I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
