I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
