how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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