why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
