i was born a porn star she said
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
