OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
