I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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