The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
