Your face is a jimmy john
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
