Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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