What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
