Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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