My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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